Happy Festivus Everyone!

[Skywalker]

We all know that special time of year is upon us... no it’s not Christmas... it’s Festivus tomorrow!  

As most of you know Festivus is a joyous celebration.  Of course I will be putting up my Festivus pole (pure aluminium) tomorrow to protest against holiday materialism with this very utilitarian object… no decoration required!  Aluminium has a very high strength to weight ratio you know.  

I would be happy if some of you would join me tomorrow for the Festivus dinner… of which one of the most enjoyable activities is the “airing of grievances”, where we can tell one another all of the way that we have disappointed each other over the last year.

Finally there will be the feats of strength, where one lucky individual will have to wrestle and pin the head of household to the ground before Festivus can end.

Since we may not all be able to join together for this occasion I suggest we take this time to observe the airing of grievances.  I’ll go first and then you can follow.

Bob: I am disappointed in you let this site go down for those couple days in October.  Living in Edmonton is crappy enough and this site is my lifeline to the world.  I thought you were the Uber Webmaster but I guess I was wrong.

Mike: I am disappointed in you that you still do not have a girlfriend and that you are not getting any ass.  I would think that since you go to Mount Royal with lots of 19 year olds you would be the mack daddy.  I guess my hopes and dreams for you were in vain.

Steve:  I am disappointed in you for getting a good job and cleaning up your act.  I really thought you would be our Cole replacement… you make me very very sad.

Cole:  I hate you because you are in Mexico where it is nice and warm and I am here in the frozen north.

Neal:  My heart is broken that you didn’t come visit me up here in Edmonton… I cry in my pillow every night because of you.  And you gave me frostbite on my hands by locking us out of the condo!

Tom:  I am disappointed in you for much the same reason as Cole.  You let me down by moving to a nice warm BC city and left the rest of us in the frigid prairies.

Drew:  You live in the Maritimes… I don’t need to be disappointed in you… you should be disappointed in yourself.

Jaron:  You have a sweet new apartment and I am disappointed in you for being so damm sexy.

Karol:  You have let me and everyone else down on this site by not being more upset about not being in the 500+ club.  We enjoy your agony and you simply aren’t providing us with enough fodder.

All The Rest of You:  You disappoint me in so many ways… I will elaborate more later.




------------------------------------------
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Festivus

[Aquabat]

I especially like the dialogue!

Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.
Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?
Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born: a Festivus for the rest of us!
Cosmo Kramer: That must've been some kind of doll.
Frank Costanza: She was.

In regards to dissapointment, Shad, you are a whore, you sold out, and was paid to betray Calgary and become an Edmontonian for the sake of "tha cheddar."

[Skywalker]

Ha ha ha... but I sold out again and am coming back to Calgary!

[Drew]

You're still a dill hole for your BSG hating.

I also hate the Edmonton Oilers, the only AHL team in the NHL.

On top of that I got a Festivus present for you Shad.  It took me two steps to make, you should come and open the box.

[Skywalker]

Could it be a dick in a box?  I've always wanted one of those!

[Drew]

I'm not going to ruin the surprise!