Author Topic: Awful Jokes  (Read 21983 times)

Offline Skywalker

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Awful Jokes
« on: November 04, 2004, 05:59:26 AM »
Warning: the jokes below are extremely awful and crude; if you are even slightly a caring or compassionate person or have even a shred of human decency please close this thread now.

Ok guys, only the most offensive jokes are allowed in this thread... remember these are only jokes so don't get you panties in a knot.  :evil2:
 

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What's the difference between menstral fluid and sand?


I cant gargal sand.

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There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. 'Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today', the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. 'I'm eleven!' the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, 'Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today'.

'Let me give it a guess', grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, 'You're eleven years old'.

'How did you know?' the boy asked.

Grandma replied, 'I heard you tell your father'

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What's the difference between an Indian father and a pizza?


Pizza can feed a family of four.

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Whats the difference between a truck load of dead babies and a truck load of bowling balls?


You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork

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How does a dude make his baby girl cry twice?

Wipes his bloody dick on her teddy bear

Offline Skywalker

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« Reply #1 on: November 04, 2004, 06:11:48 AM »
Here's a messed up comic strip by one of my favorite cartoonists, Don Hertzfeldt.  If you have the chance, search for a video called "Rejected" on Kazaa.  It's by the same guy and it's hilarious.

http://www.bitterfilms.com/ta_wt_03.html

Offline Skywalker

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« Reply #2 on: November 04, 2004, 06:29:30 AM »
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the face


------------------------------------------------------------


Why cant Helan Keller drive?

Cause she's a woman!


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What's it like to have sex with your grama

Peel open a grilled cheese sandwich


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What do you call a person with leporacy in a hot tub?

Stew
« Last Edit: November 04, 2004, 06:30:01 AM by Skywalker »

Offline Bob

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« Reply #3 on: November 05, 2004, 05:23:58 PM »
Now this is a topic I can contribute to!



Here is my start:

Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A: A pedophile.

Q: What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
A: Before the First Period.

Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

Q: What is a redneck virgin?
A: A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.

Q: What do you throw a Mexican man when he's drowning?
A: His wife and kids.

Q: Why is a Black mans eyes always red after sex?
A: From the mace

Q: Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself?
A: You would too if you were named Auuurraaagggghhh!

Q: What is the most positive thing in harlem?
A: HIV

Q: How do you drown a black preson?
A: Pop their lips.

Q: Why do Jewish girls like to fuck doggy style?
A: They can't stand to see somebody else have a good time.
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Offline Pornomonkey

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« Reply #4 on: November 13, 2004, 01:38:54 AM »
Q: Why are there so many trees in Harlem?
A: Public Transportation.

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: Who the hell cares, why the fuck is she outta the kitchen??

Q: Why are there no black astronauts?
A: Their lips explode at 50, 000 ft.

Q: What do you call a black man with a briefcase?
A: A branch manager.

Q: What do you call a black man mixed with a Mexican?
A: Someone too lazy to steal.

Q: What is the worst 3 years of a black man's life?
A: First Grade.


Q: What is a black man?
A: Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.



Pardon the racism. Just thought it was suitable for this thread. :P

Offline Bob

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« Reply #5 on: November 15, 2004, 03:57:43 PM »
Q: Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature?
A: Because spray paint wasn't invented until 1949


Q: How do you starve a black man?
A: hide his foodstamps under his workboots.

Q: In Kentucky, what do divorces and tornados have in common.
A: Either way, someone is going to lose a trailer.

Q: Why do the Scottish wear kilts?
A: Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.

Q: Two (insert favorite ethnic group here) jump off the top of a very tall building. Which one his the ground first?
A: Who gives a fuck?

Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blow-job?
A: You know she'll swallow

Q: What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?
A: Quarter pounder with cheese

Q: Why do black people smell?
A: So blind people can hate them too

Q: What did the little Mexican boy get for christmas?
A: My bike.

Q: How are fat bitches and Mo-peds the same?
A: They are both fun to ride, but you don't tell your friends about them.

Q: What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A: A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven!

Q: Why do black people play basketball?
A: They can run, shoot, and steal

Q:What did Adolf Hitler get his neice for her birthday?
A: An easy bake oven

Q:What would the Jetsons be called if they were black?
A: Niggers.

Q: What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike?
A: Ethiopian

Q: How do you know when a redneck has her period?
A: She's only wearing one sock.

Q:Whats the difference between a pakie & a bucket of shit?
A:The bucket.

Q:What do you call a pakie with a wooden leg?
A:Shit on a stick.

Q:What do you call a pakie with two wooden legs?
A:A waste of wood.

Q: What do you call an ethiopian jumping off a cliff?
A: A chocolate drop.

Q: Why doesn't Mexico enter the Olympics?
A: Because all their best runners, jumpers and swimmers are in America.

Q: What was good about the million man march?
A: Only three people missed work

Q: What's the useless skin around a vagina called?
A: The woman.

Q: Do you wanna hear a joke?
A: Women's Rights

 :wave:
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Offline Qwerty

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« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2004, 11:37:42 AM »
I didnt read all of those, but here are a few fucked up jokes:

Q: Whats green and purple and sits in a cage of my front porch?
A: Its my nigger and ill paint him whatever color I want.

Q: How do you keep niggers from hanging out in your back yard?
A: Hang em in the front yard.

Q: A black man and a puerto rican man are in a car, who's driving?
A: The cops.

Q: What do you call a mexican with 12 hands?
A: I dont know, but it sure can pick a lot of lettuce.

Offline Qwerty

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« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2004, 11:41:49 AM »
Bob says:
  Q: What would the Jetsons be called if they were black?
  A: Niggers



HAHAHHHHHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAAHHAHAHA I couldnt stop laughing for about 2 hours.

Offline Pornomonkey

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« Reply #8 on: November 21, 2004, 04:46:28 AM »
Q: What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man who had been shot 15 times?
A: Worst case of suicide.

Q: Why do Jews have big noses?
A: Air is free.

Q: hat is a nigger on a bike?
A: A thief.

Q: What's long, black, and full of shit?
A: The Welfare line.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead nigger on the road?
A: The dog has skid marks in front of it.

Q: Why are chimps always frowning?
A: They know they're gonna turn into niggers in a million years.

Q: How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?
A: All of them.

Q: What's the most confusing thing in Harlem?
A: Father's Day.

Q: What do you call a nigger in a business suit?
A: The Defendant.

Q: Why does Alabama have niggers and California have earthquakes?
A: California got first pick.

Q: Why are Mexicans like sperm?
A: One in a million actually work.

Q: Why do niggers have flat noses?
A: That's where God put his feet when he was pulling off their tails.

Q: What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
A: Batman can go out at night without Robin.

*Hear about KuKluxK'neval? Tried to jump 30 niggers with a steamroller.*

Offline Bob

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« Reply #9 on: January 28, 2005, 09:08:58 PM »
Time to bring this baby back to life. We have a whole new string of aweful jokes to use.



How do you stop a tsunami?    You throw 160,000 asians in front of it.

How do you find a prostitute in Sri Lanka?    With a fish net.

What is the most popular sport in Indonesia?    BODY SURFING!

How many Asians died in the disaster?      Not enough.
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Offline Andy

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« Reply #10 on: January 31, 2005, 11:30:42 PM »
This is one of my favorites.

Q: What do you call a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told her twice.
 :punch: This smiley seemed extremely appropriate.

Offline Bob

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« Reply #11 on: January 31, 2005, 11:46:18 PM »
Quote
This is one of my favorites.

Q: What do you call a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told her twice.
 :punch: This smiley seemed extremely appropriate.
[snapback]843[/snapback]

Had to correct you

should be What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?....

And the matching joke is:
What do you call a woman with one black eye?
A quick leaner.
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Offline Pornomonkey

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« Reply #12 on: February 01, 2005, 12:09:28 AM »
Quote
should be What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?....

And the matching joke is:
What do you call a woman with one black eye?
A quick leaner.
[snapback]844[/snapback]

Learner, Bob, learner. Had to correct you.

Chalk up another post for Trev.
« Last Edit: February 01, 2005, 03:48:19 AM by Pornomonkey »

Offline Bob

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« Reply #13 on: February 01, 2005, 12:43:56 AM »
Quote
Quote
should be What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?....

And the matching joke is:
What do you call a woman with one black eye?
A quick leaner.
[snapback]844[/snapback]

Learner, Bob, learner. Had to correct you.

Chalk up another post for Trev.

I have a small penis.
[snapback]845[/snapback]


Damn, you showed me.
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Offline Andy

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« Reply #14 on: February 01, 2005, 12:49:49 AM »
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

Q: What do you call a black priest?
A: A Holy Shit!

Q: What do you call a black priest's black brother?
A: A nigger

Q: What do you see when you see a one-legged nigger hopping down the street?
A: Stop laughing and reload.

Q: Where do you hide money from a Spic?
A: Under the soap.

Q: Why do black's put their trash in clear bags?
A: So the mexicans can window shop.
« Last Edit: February 01, 2005, 12:52:00 AM by Andy »