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Topics - Ryan

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Open Chat / Mike will be spared
« on: August 19, 2008, 03:23:37 AM »
A little something I found while perusing the internet for some answer to my recent assignment.  Mike, you are less likely to come down with ischemic heart disease.  Congratulations!

I've decided that I want to be a lactoovovegetarian, as that seems like a pretty cool word.  Lend a guy a hand, Mike??  heh

Events / Houseboating has nothing on this
« on: March 15, 2008, 03:06:10 PM »
And just think, it's only slightly more than 98 days away!

Jokes / Internet porn
« on: February 08, 2008, 05:53:29 AM »
Not sure if this has been posted before, but I find it amusing.

Dear Internet Porn,

These last ten years have been quite a trip, have they not? My letter to you now, however, is not one of celebration... I don't feel like we are the same anymore. We just don't have that passion we used to.

When we first met I was a loser, and you were there for me. My parents told me that you were no good for me, but I didn't listen. You showed me that there were plenty of people like myself getting laid. It was beautiful and passionate. Your softcore erotic videos were a tasteful introduction to my budding sexuality.

As I got older I started seeing girls on the side. I knew you were jealous, but you have always held a special place in my heart. You became naughtier and it affected my relationships. I started wanting all the things I had seen you do. I wanted to be just like you. I wanted to cover my girlfriend's face, put it up her ass, choke her.

But that's when I realized your dark secret, Internet Porn. You aren't real: you are a fake and shallow individual. No girl wants a load on her face! Anal sex hurts and humiliates, and choking only leads to bruises that friends and loved ones ask about. You lied to me and changed my sexual expectations. Now no girl can please me.

I know it isn't all bad. You've taught me so much. I can surf the internet with either hand and I know all the keyboard shortcuts for my browser. I know positions that aren't even in the Kamasutra. But you have such a dark side. I've been late for work more than once and I find myself wanting to jerkoff at six in the morning. That's what you've done to me.

Even now, on the eve of Christ's birth, I sit hunched over my computer, penis in hand. I had to turn the nativity scene around so that Jesus wouldn't see your filth. Try as I might, I can never hide you well enough either. It is harder to find you squirreled away on my hard drive than it is to get into my online bank account. Yet there is always lingering evidence. I've told you time and again to stop leaving your things at my place. But you ALWAYS forget something: a shortcut here, an unclear history there.

There's no acceptance when you are discovered either. It might have been ok when we started - just innocent flirting with softcore. But now my girlfriends discover my asphyxiation collection, or that one goat video. I hate that you always invite your shadiest friends over when you come.

So I have one request. I know I can't get rid of you... you are the psychopathic stalker to my teenage horror film. But if you won't leave me alone, can you at least do me one favor? If I ever die, can you please format my hard drive? All of them? If you can't do that, just burn my place down. My family can never know of my shame.

Events / Vaginarama B'day Bash
« on: October 16, 2007, 12:17:40 AM »
Okay peeps, I'm taking a poll to see if anyone is interested in hitting up Laser Quest this Saturday (the  20th) for a pre-event to drinking it up at the George.  The occassion is to celebrate Jana and I turning the ripe ol' age of 23.  I imagine most of you will be down for some St. George drinking (starting at 7pm) and Oilers bashing (starting at 8pm), but we have 8 available spots for Laser Quest at 4:40pm.  Let me know who's interested.

Open Chat / Quebec pics
« on: August 08, 2007, 05:36:13 PM »
These uploads blow.  Of 5 pictures I tried, this was the only one that worked...  The Chateau Frontenac, set in front of the St. Lawrence River.

Open Chat / What the hell is this??
« on: April 11, 2007, 09:20:08 PM »
Why the hell does have Vancouver scoring on Calgary in this clip??  I am quite upset by this, as clearly it should be the other way around!!

Again, what the hell:

Events / Ryan's Grad Celebration
« on: March 21, 2007, 09:57:01 PM »
Okay, this event is posted 5 weeks in advance, so that none of you have any excuse.  You all better come out on April 25th for wings and drunken debauchery, as that afternoon I have my last final exam, EVER!!!  This will be quite exciting, and a large celebration is to ensue.  BE THERE!!!

Open Chat / RYAN'S B'DAY BASH!!!
« on: October 19, 2006, 08:46:25 PM »
Okay everyone, listen up, and listen good.  My birthday is this Wednesday, the 25th, and I have a midterm from 6:30-9:30 at night.  As such, myself and my friend Jana (who's b'day was on the 13th) and hopefully my buddy Craig (who's b'day is on the 20th) are going to Schanks South this Saturday the 21st.  There are 13 hockey games on that day, but somehow the Flames did not manage to fall into one of those games...   There should be a good crowd anyway, and I am inviting all of you to come down to Schanks for a drink, or perhaps 20, this Saturday night.  And I also challenge you all to a game of mini golf, BRING IT!!

That is all for now.

Open Chat / Sporting Debauchery
« on: September 26, 2006, 10:16:33 PM »
I hearby dedicate this thread to the drunken adventures of sporting events in and around your place of residence.  The Roughnecks game last year is a perfect example of the debauchery that needs to be put in here.  Or perhaps me somehow spearing myself on a fence after the Stamps game on Saturday...  

Anyway, Flames games and Roughneck games will be in full force soon, so I thought this thread might come in handy.  Starting tomororow!  Suckers!!

Open Chat / What happened??
« on: August 04, 2006, 02:09:13 AM »
What the hell was this?

Open Chat / Anaheim sucks
« on: April 21, 2006, 09:32:42 PM »
After the ticket frenzy today for the Flames game, I thought I would see what it is like in the sunnier south.  Apparently nobody cares, I can buy 8 tickets, and only cause they limit you to 8 per household, or I bet I could have got like 50.  Losers...

Open Chat / The offensive thread
« on: April 12, 2006, 03:37:55 AM »
I stumbled across some pics that I enjoy, and I thought that perhaps I can start a collection with the help of fellow Gongshowers.   Here's a start.

Open Chat / What else is there to say about this...
« on: April 11, 2006, 01:52:31 AM »
Over 48 hours people... 48 HOURS!!!  Tsk tsk...

Open Chat / The Thread Dedicated to Cole
« on: March 31, 2006, 11:57:41 PM »
Since Cole seemed bothered by the lack of activity, I took it upon myself to start up this thread. I'm sure everyone can think of something to post in here. Whether it be a video, a Southpark character from that design site, or this  -->>

I think this one will really hit home with that big ogre.

Open Chat / HAPPY B'DAY JAMI!!
« on: March 28, 2006, 05:37:22 PM »
Even though she somewhat abandoned us here on The Gong Show...

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