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18
Jokes / How dare you
« on: March 15, 2006, 07:19:42 PM »
Jill, the town gossip and supervisor of the town's morals,
recently accused Joe, a local man, of being an alcoholic
because she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's
only bar.
Joe stared at her for a moment angrily, and said nothing.
Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of
her house and left it there all night.
recently accused Joe, a local man, of being an alcoholic
because she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's
only bar.
Joe stared at her for a moment angrily, and said nothing.
Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of
her house and left it there all night.
19
Open Chat / Mmmmm soupy goodness....
« on: January 22, 2006, 10:27:18 PM »
So this post is a day delayed, but the message will still get out there. BOB'S TOMATOE SOUP RULES!! I had the distinct pleasure of consuming some on Friday night, and let me tell you, it was fantastic. If Bob can make tomatoe soup taste that good, one can only wonder what else he can do...
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Open Chat / Hahaha, damn...
« on: December 21, 2005, 05:58:14 PM »
These are mainly for Trev, but Andrew and Bob shall laugh as well.
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Open Chat / I'm just the messenger!
« on: December 15, 2005, 08:03:15 AM »
http://www.kladblog.com/site/embedded.asp?...wmv&w=480&h=360
A friend's, friend's, cousin found this. I swear! Too funny though, had to post it. I'd like to know what he was searching for when he found it though... Perhaps he already put up a hit on this site or humpfest in the process heh.
A friend's, friend's, cousin found this. I swear! Too funny though, had to post it. I'd like to know what he was searching for when he found it though... Perhaps he already put up a hit on this site or humpfest in the process heh.
23
Jokes / Quotes from Arnold
« on: December 10, 2005, 05:14:04 PM »
The World According to Arnold:
"If I would do another 'Terminator' movie I would have Terminator travel back in time and tell Arnold not to have a special election." -after all four of his ballot initiatives were roundly defeated in the special election he called
"Well, there was no sex for 14 days." -on getting the cold shoulder from his wife after backing President George W. Bush at the Republican Convention
"To those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say, Don't be economic girlie men!" –at the Republican convention
"If they don't have the guts to come up here in front of you and say, 'I don't want to represent you, I want to represent those special interests, the unions, the trial lawyers ... if they don't have the guts, I call them girlie men." –describing Democratic lawmakers in California
"All of a sudden, we see riots, we see protests, we see people clashing. The next thing we know, there is injured or there is dead people. We don't want to get to that extent." –on the dangers posed by gay marriage
"It's the most difficult [decision] I've made in my entire life, except the one I made in 1978 when I decided to get a bikini wax." –announcing his gubernatorial candidacy on "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno"
"I can promise you that when I go to Sacramento, I will pump up Sacramento." –on "The Tonight Show"
"As you know, I don't need to take any money from anybody. I have plenty of money myself. I will make the decisions for the people."
"We have to make sure everyone in California has a great job. A fantastic job!"
"The public doesn't care about figures." -discussing his economic views
"Don't worry about that." -on the environment
"From the time they get up in the morning and flush the toilet, they're taxed. Then they go and get the cup of coffee, they're taxed....This goes on all day long. Tax, tax, tax."
"I saw this toilet bowl. How many times do you get away with this — to take a woman, grab her upside down, and bury her face in a toilet bowl? I wanted to have something floating there ... The thing is, you can do it, because in the end, I didn't do it to a woman — she's a machine! We could get away with it without being crucified by who-knows-what group." -describing a scene in "Terminator 3"
"This is really embarrassing. I just forgot our state governor's name, but I know that you will help me recall him." –speaking to a taxpayer advocacy group
"As much as when you see a blonde with great tits and a great ass, you say to yourself, 'Hey, she must be stupid or must have nothing else to offer,' which maybe is the case many times. But then again there is the one that is as smart as her breasts look, great as her face looks, beautiful as her whole body looks gorgeous, you know, so people are shocked." –in an interview with Esquire
"The best activities for your health are pumping and humping."
"Having a pump is like having sex. I train two, sometimes three times a day. Each time I get a pump. It's great. I feel like I'm coming all day."
"I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman."
"I have inhaled, exhaled everything."
"That was another thing I will never forgive the Republican Party for. I was ashamed to call myself a Republican during that period." -on the Clinton impeachment
"I can look at a chick who's a little out of shape and if she turns me on, I won't hesitate to date her. If she's a good f**k she can weigh 150 pounds, I don't care." -in a 1977 interview with Oui
"Having chicks around is the kind of thing that breaks up the intense training. It gives you relief, and then afterward you go back to the serious stuff."
"The c**k isn't a muscle so it doesn't grow in relation to the shoulders, say, or the pectorals. You can't make it bigger through exercise, that's for sure."
"Nixon was always being attacked sexually. It was always said that he was a fag and that he had no sexual relations with his wife for 15 years and that was why he liked power. And Hitler had only one ball, and that was why he wanted to conquer the world." -in a 1977 interview with Time Out
"My friends don't want me to mention Kurt's name, because of all the recent Nazi stuff and the U.N. controversy, but I love him and Maria does too, and so thank you, Kurt." –on his friend and fellow Austrian Kurt Waldheim, a Nazi war criminal
"My relationship to power and authority is that I'm all for it. People need somebody to watch over them. Ninety-five percent of the people in the world need to be told what to do and how to behave." –in a 1990 interview with U.S. News
"I was always dreaming about very powerful people - dictators and things like that. I was just always impressed by people who could be remembered for hundreds of years, or even, like Jesus, be for thousands of years remembered." –in the 1977 film "Pumping Iron"
"If I would do another 'Terminator' movie I would have Terminator travel back in time and tell Arnold not to have a special election." -after all four of his ballot initiatives were roundly defeated in the special election he called
"Well, there was no sex for 14 days." -on getting the cold shoulder from his wife after backing President George W. Bush at the Republican Convention
"To those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say, Don't be economic girlie men!" –at the Republican convention
"If they don't have the guts to come up here in front of you and say, 'I don't want to represent you, I want to represent those special interests, the unions, the trial lawyers ... if they don't have the guts, I call them girlie men." –describing Democratic lawmakers in California
"All of a sudden, we see riots, we see protests, we see people clashing. The next thing we know, there is injured or there is dead people. We don't want to get to that extent." –on the dangers posed by gay marriage
"It's the most difficult [decision] I've made in my entire life, except the one I made in 1978 when I decided to get a bikini wax." –announcing his gubernatorial candidacy on "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno"
"I can promise you that when I go to Sacramento, I will pump up Sacramento." –on "The Tonight Show"
"As you know, I don't need to take any money from anybody. I have plenty of money myself. I will make the decisions for the people."
"We have to make sure everyone in California has a great job. A fantastic job!"
"The public doesn't care about figures." -discussing his economic views
"Don't worry about that." -on the environment
"From the time they get up in the morning and flush the toilet, they're taxed. Then they go and get the cup of coffee, they're taxed....This goes on all day long. Tax, tax, tax."
"I saw this toilet bowl. How many times do you get away with this — to take a woman, grab her upside down, and bury her face in a toilet bowl? I wanted to have something floating there ... The thing is, you can do it, because in the end, I didn't do it to a woman — she's a machine! We could get away with it without being crucified by who-knows-what group." -describing a scene in "Terminator 3"
"This is really embarrassing. I just forgot our state governor's name, but I know that you will help me recall him." –speaking to a taxpayer advocacy group
"As much as when you see a blonde with great tits and a great ass, you say to yourself, 'Hey, she must be stupid or must have nothing else to offer,' which maybe is the case many times. But then again there is the one that is as smart as her breasts look, great as her face looks, beautiful as her whole body looks gorgeous, you know, so people are shocked." –in an interview with Esquire
"The best activities for your health are pumping and humping."
"Having a pump is like having sex. I train two, sometimes three times a day. Each time I get a pump. It's great. I feel like I'm coming all day."
"I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman."
"I have inhaled, exhaled everything."
"That was another thing I will never forgive the Republican Party for. I was ashamed to call myself a Republican during that period." -on the Clinton impeachment
"I can look at a chick who's a little out of shape and if she turns me on, I won't hesitate to date her. If she's a good f**k she can weigh 150 pounds, I don't care." -in a 1977 interview with Oui
"Having chicks around is the kind of thing that breaks up the intense training. It gives you relief, and then afterward you go back to the serious stuff."
"The c**k isn't a muscle so it doesn't grow in relation to the shoulders, say, or the pectorals. You can't make it bigger through exercise, that's for sure."
"Nixon was always being attacked sexually. It was always said that he was a fag and that he had no sexual relations with his wife for 15 years and that was why he liked power. And Hitler had only one ball, and that was why he wanted to conquer the world." -in a 1977 interview with Time Out
"My friends don't want me to mention Kurt's name, because of all the recent Nazi stuff and the U.N. controversy, but I love him and Maria does too, and so thank you, Kurt." –on his friend and fellow Austrian Kurt Waldheim, a Nazi war criminal
"My relationship to power and authority is that I'm all for it. People need somebody to watch over them. Ninety-five percent of the people in the world need to be told what to do and how to behave." –in a 1990 interview with U.S. News
"I was always dreaming about very powerful people - dictators and things like that. I was just always impressed by people who could be remembered for hundreds of years, or even, like Jesus, be for thousands of years remembered." –in the 1977 film "Pumping Iron"
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Jokes / Comics and more funnies
« on: November 23, 2005, 06:46:15 AM »
Today I sent Andrew a few comics that I have on my computer, and I decided that I need a collection of funnies for when the goin' gets tough. I'm sure some of you have lots of inappropriate comics and such at your disposal. So post away!!
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Open Chat / Posting pics
« on: October 13, 2005, 04:36:07 AM »
Just a quicky, heh, if I post pics do I make them attachments? Or do I somehow put them in this here text box? I pushed "preview post" and I can't see them. HELP ME!!
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