Author Topic: Awful Jokes  (Read 30059 times)

Offline Pornomonkey

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Awful Jokes
« Reply #15 on: March 20, 2005, 05:57:56 AM »
Thought I'd bump this back up in hopes of getting some participation back in here, even if it's to criticize these awful, disgusting jokes...

Q: What's red and sits in a highchair?
A: A baby eating razor-blades.

Q: What is red and white and squirms in the corner?
A: Baby playing with razor blades.

Q: What is red, white and green and sits in a corner?
A: Same baby 3 weeks later.

Q: What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A: A baby playing in a plastic bag.

Q: What's blue and sits in the corner?
A: Dead baby in a cellophane bag.

Q: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass every ten seconds?
A: Dead baby in a carousel microwave!

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken.

Enough of the babies, poor darlings...
« Last Edit: March 20, 2005, 05:58:33 AM by Pornomonkey »

Offline akathesister

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« Reply #16 on: March 26, 2005, 12:51:45 AM »
Yeah, those were pretty bad. . . Is it wrong that I laughed?
A man may kiss his wife goodbye, the rose may kiss the butterfly, the wine may kiss the frosted glass, and you , my friends, may kiss my ass.

Offline Drew

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Awful Jokes
« Reply #17 on: April 04, 2005, 12:16:59 AM »
Okay I know these are a little late but they are so awful that they just have to be posted.

What is Terri Schiavo's favorite food?
Tube steak.

What is Terri Schiavo's favorite fun activity?
Tubing.

Whats Terri Schiavo's favorite tv show?
Survivor

Why isn't Terri Schiavo watching all of her recent news coverage?
Nobody has turned on her tube in 6 days
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some death to defy.

Offline Drew

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Awful Jokes
« Reply #18 on: April 06, 2005, 06:04:49 PM »
Okay this one isn't so awful, but I figured it was easier to put it here than make a new topic:


The Lone Ranger comes into town during the hottest part of summer.

He stops outside a bar and tells Tonto to run in circles around Silver his horse, waving his poncho to keep a nice breeze on Silver while he goes in to drink.

A couple of minutes later a man dressed in black swaggers into the bar and says "You the Lone Ranger?"

"Yes, I am" the Lone Ranger replies.

"Oh," says the man dressed in black, "Did ya know ya left your injun runnin?"
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some death to defy.

Offline Bob

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Awful Jokes
« Reply #19 on: April 07, 2005, 07:14:15 AM »
Bahahahahaha   :evilhappy:
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Offline Drew

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Awful Jokes
« Reply #20 on: April 14, 2005, 12:54:45 PM »
A prostitute goes to deposit a $100 bill in a bank.

The teller says, "Sorry, madam, the note is fake."

"Oh no!" exclaimed the prostitute, "I have been raped."
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some death to defy.

Offline Drew

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« Reply #21 on: April 20, 2005, 02:59:18 PM »
A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday, he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him." So, the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?" The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So, every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm having sex with her." The boss says, "You have sex with your sister?" The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some death to defy.

Offline Mr. Boyz

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« Reply #22 on: May 04, 2005, 01:18:09 AM »
A salesman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when he sees a Navajo man hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the Navajo man climbs in.

During their small talk, the Navajo man glances surreptitiously at a brown bag on the front seat between them.

"If you're wondering what's in the bag," offers the salesman, "it's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife."

The Navajo man is silent for awhile, nods several times and says, "Good trade."




Q: Why were there only 300 mexicans at the Alamo?
A: They only had one car


Q: What do you call an Ethiopian taking a shit?
A: A Show-off


Q: What's the difference between a black jew and a white jew?
A: The black ones go at the back of the oven


Q: What do you throw to a drowning black man?
A: A Rock


Q: What do you call a crazy crackhead running from the cops?
A: A nigger
I don't have to be dead to donate an organ.

Offline Mr. Boyz

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« Reply #23 on: August 18, 2005, 01:43:46 AM »
Q:  What's the difference between onions and prostitutes?

 

A:  I cry when I cut up onions.
I don't have to be dead to donate an organ.

Offline Aquabat

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Awful Jokes
« Reply #24 on: August 18, 2005, 06:12:10 AM »
:crying:  :lol: I don't know if its the onions or the dead hooker, but my eyes are watering. hahahahaha, oh my.
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Offline Bob

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« Reply #25 on: November 08, 2005, 04:36:56 PM »
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe chatting over a pint of
goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.



"This is my oldest son, Mohammed. He's 24 years old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby," says the other mother cheerfully.
"He's a martyr now though," mum confides.

"Oh, so sad dear," says the other.

"And this is my second son, Kalid. He's 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "He had such curly hair when he was born."
"He's a martyr too," says mum quietly.


"Oh, gracious me," says the other.



"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's 18," she whispers.
"Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He's a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.



After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says...



"They blow up so fast, don't they?"
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Offline Bob

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Awful Jokes
« Reply #26 on: November 08, 2005, 04:38:53 PM »
What do Hutterites do on Halloween????

Pump Kin.....



Did you hear Hutterites found a new use for sheep.....

Wool
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Offline Bob

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« Reply #27 on: November 08, 2005, 04:43:46 PM »
Larry gets home late one night, and his wife Linda says, where in the hell have you been?"
He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would you get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on your privates?"
"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I Like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand, and Last, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home And blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
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Offline Aquabat

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Awful Jokes
« Reply #28 on: April 27, 2006, 10:59:29 PM »
Boogada
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Offline viking

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« Reply #29 on: October 22, 2006, 05:39:16 PM »
Did you hear princess Diana was on the radio ?


 and the dashboard and windsheild.