This is for the sake of the Gong Show, I'm sure you'll understand Jami.

Came across this site which has thus far amused me for far too long.  Thought I should share.  You can create South Park-esque characters.  If you want to save them you have to take a screen shot because it is in flash format.

http://spstudio.linda.hosting-friends.de/spstudio.html

Give it a go and post some of your favourites.

Dear Abby:

I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City.

I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994.  The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel. Her time there is limited as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would get them off the street, and hopefully, the heroin habits.

All things considered, my main problem is this. I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally honest with her.

So.... Should I tell her about my distant cousin who is French?

Signed,
Worried About My Reputation

Need I really say more?

Discuss.

A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day, the guy comes in again, buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later. "So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist. "Sure did," replies the assistant. "Where did he go?" asks the curious pharmacist. "Your house."

Here are a few that made me chuckle and I'm bored enough to post them all.

Parrot

Upon reaching his seat on the airplane, a man is taken aback to see a parrot sitting next to him. Soon enough, however, he gets used to it. When the stewardess comes around, he asks her politely for a cup of coffee.

Suddenly, the parrot squawks "Get me a whisky, you bitch!" The stewardess recoils, then rushes off to bring back a whisky for the parrot. She forgets the man's coffee. The man quietly points this out to her while the parrot drains its glass. She apologizes and starts to leave again. Again the parrot sounds off, "And get me another whisky, you bitch!" Shaking and upset, the girl returns with another whisky for the bird. Still no coffee for the man.

Taking a page from the parrot's book, the man tries a different tack. He growls, "I've asked you twice for a coffee! Where the hell is it? Do I have to go get it myself, you dumb shit?"

Within moments, he and the parrot are seized and flung out of the plane by a couple of huge stewards. As they plummet towards the earth, the parrot turns to the man and squawks, "Jeez, buddy! For someone with no wings, you're a pretty nervy sonofabitch!"


Zoo Excape

An enterprising mayor of the city of Granby, Quebec, a community south of Montreal, established a municipal zoo that has become a significant tourist attraction. It has also given rise to many unusual events. Last September one of the star attractions, Arnold, an Indonesian ape, escaped to the dismay of the zoo director. The matter was a serious one because the members of the staff of the zoo, while expert at caring for animals, had no experience whatsoever in rounding them up or capturing them.

The zoo director appealed to the office of the mayor for help and the secretary to the mayor asked, "Have you looked in the yellow pages"? The director said he hadn't, but would, immediately.

To his surprise, under "animal capturing service" he found a listing for the Acme Ape Apprehenders. He called them immediately.

Within 20 minutes, a panel truck arrived at the admin office of the zoo and a small man emerged and rushed to the director who was waiting at the door.

"Is there a wooded area in the vicinity?", the little man asked. The director said there was, within one half mile from the zoo. "Hop in the truck", the little man said. The director did and they drove off.

Minutes later they arrived at a small grove and immediately spotted Arnold on a branch about 25 feet above the ground.

The two men got out, went to the back of the truck and the little man opened the door. An excited little dog jumped out and began running around in circles.

The little man reached into the truck and took out a suitcase, which he opened. In the suitcase were a pair of handcuffs, which he handed to the zoo director, a sawed off shotgun, which he leaned against the trunk of the tree, and a baseball bat.

"Now," the little man said, "I'm going up into the tree with the baseball bat, and I'm going to knock the ape out of the tree. The instant the ape hits the ground the dog, well trained, will bite the ape by the crotch and chomp-down with his jaws. The ape will, instantly and instinctively, grab at his crotch with both hands due to the pain, and you snap the handcuffs on and we've got him.

The zoo director, pointing to the shotgun leaning against the tree, said "I'm not too sure about this -- what's the gun for?"

The little man said, "Look, I'm an expert. I know what I'm doing and things will go just fine, after all, I have the baseball bat. I know my job and it'll never happen but if the ape should, by any chance, knock ME out of the tree, SHOOT THE DOG!!!"