Steve's Night
Steve's Night is brought to you by Polar Ice Vodka, Glacially Distilled for that smooth esophagal vomit later on.
I wanted to thank you all for coming, seeing the place, hanging out, playing poker, I'll have to join you next time...
Shad and I hit up the liquor store beforehand and I'm thinking, "Vodka yeah, I've been drinking beer and having a desk job, getting a little chunky, Vodka would be awesome." Grabbed a couple of huge Heinekens as "give up beer completely - yeah right." Head back to the place starving, so we grabbed some Vermicelli and started watching TV and had my beer. People start showing up, I grab the vodka - make myself a little Rockstar & Vodka concoction - barely tasting the alcohol, throw like another shot and a half in there.
Practice games over, everyone is there, poker starts, finish drink one, on to drink 2. I made it to like exactly after bilinds increased, and I bolted for the toilet. Vermicelli sprayed everywhere, thinking and typing this while still not feeling well at all is triggering the gag reflex in the back of my throat right now. So immediately after puking, to the best of my recollection, I go RIGHT TO BED. its like 10:30 - I Think!!
I woke up feeling like the vein in my head pulse and move the pillow lying on my face - the vein is moving the pillow. Under a pillow, my audio perceptive skills seem to have been heightened, I can hear the blood moving through my head. I am fully clothed, I am lying sideways along my perfectly made bed, with me on top of it, no blankets on, no sheets. I get up - see the disaster in the livingroom, start smelling booze drowning out the oxygen emitting from my bamboo plant, and masking the fresh scent of my cinnamon mocha air freshener.
I grab some water, lie down, sleep for 3.25 minutes before bolting for the washroom again. I'm tasting orange juice, shredded beef, I cannot tell you the last time I had orange juice. I have sprayed the back corner behind the toilet, against the tub and wall with a concoction of vodka, vermicelli, orange juice and heineken. I'm up, I'm in the living room going over a mesage that Cole had left on my phone at 7:01am. "Tell your brother - he can kiss my white ass, this isn't directed to you, but he can kiss my white ass. Tell him I'm on my way to work, and it SUCKS, I'm almost there. You don't have to tell him.....This SUCKS..........................(pause) Mehhhh - Such is Life! Hope I didn't wake you."
I watched some crazy talking dinosaur show where like 25 herbivores were chasing after a T-Rex, and thought to myself, this is a gangfight Michael would be proud of.
I decided, meh, I should be fine, I'll drive Jason home, he's like, "We can get some Cora's." And I was in like Flynn - as Cole would say - and Cole I did hear another guy say this - we gave you a hard time saying you made it up, but thereyago.
I'm driving, feeling I can do this, made it to 130th to turn across the bridge to get into South Trail. And there is like 40 cars waiting for this light, it was ridiculous. We're not moving, I start scrambling around the car, I look over at Jason, "I'm gonna puke." He's like "What?", I am scrambling, I'm inching up towards the light - STOP - I grab a half-full tupperware container with Craisins in it. Jason is like "are Craisins gonna prevent puking" - I didn't explain - I opened the lid and hurled inside of it, 2 vomits, 1 dry heave, and I'm driving as the light turns green, I'm wiping my chin. We pull in - Jason orders a smoothie, apple juice, coffee and water. I get a smoothie and alot of fruit - I am eying up the washroom entrance the entire meal. I'm feeling woozy again and must lie down.
We'll see you at the game tonight........stomach willing.
-Steve
This has been a PukeFaceMaess Production MMVII