Author Topic: Irish Joke  (Read 3000 times)

Offline Mikal

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Irish Joke
« on: November 24, 2006, 05:40:22 AM »
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an  important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey" Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
     Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."


     Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first
 man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father. The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?" O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

    Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting, and watching the
 traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of
traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians".Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times,
and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy
went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"


     Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read
in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best
 friend Finney.Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

 Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife,  Mary. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and madethe landing especially painful.
  Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and ooked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began  putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

   In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room. She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you? Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing? "Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of  blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror
Only Jack Van Impe can save us now... PRAISE HIM!