Author Topic: Starving NHLers  (Read 2212 times)

Offline Bob

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Starving NHLers
« on: July 29, 2004, 02:30:22 PM »
Since September 11, 2001, Americans and Canadians have come together as never
before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous
adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas,
corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges,
droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic
and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together
once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.
Hundreds of Professional Hockey players in our very own nation are going to be
locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level. And as if that
weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their life giving pay for several
months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming lockout situation. But you
can help!
For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a
large screen projection TV) you can help an NHL player remain economically
viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the
problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and
every little bit will help!
Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a hockey player it
could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on
a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than a
month's rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to
a hockey player, $700 will partially replace his daily salary.
Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that home
entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a
weekend in Rio.
HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you
sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and
other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up
for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging
during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo,
please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to
remind you of other peoples' suffering.
HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?
Your NHL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to
help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be
able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case
additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.
YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a locked out NHL player. My preference is (check below):
[ ] Forward [ ] Defenseman [ ] Goaltender [ ] Entire team

(Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team - $10 per minute)

[ ] Jaromir Jagr (Higher cost: $32,000 per day)

Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the duration of the
lockout. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored, along with an
Jaromir Jagr 2001 Income Statement and my very own Bob Goodenow (Executive
Director of the NHLPA player's Union) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include
$80 for hat).
Your Name: ________Telephone Number: ________Account Number:_______Exp.Date:_______
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